Memoirs of IMH (Institute of Mental Health)

RECORD I

Patient A: "So how... this book not bad yah?"

Patient B: "Yah agree, excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art – too many character names to remember!!!"

Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you put the telephone book back to the original place?"

RECORD II

A doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off, what will happen to you?"

Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."

Doctor: "Hmm…that's normal...so if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen then?"

Patient: "I will not be able to see..."

The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"

Patient: "Because my spectacles will fall off..."

RECORD III

IMH has an old lady who wears black, carries a black umbrella and squats at the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine.

The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her but decided to understand her behavior first.

So, the doctor also wears black and carries a black umbrella; squatted besides her everyday. The days go by...the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of word. After one solid month, the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"

RECORD IV

A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. She got curious and went to take a peek. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.

Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"

Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself..."

Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?)

So she asked again: "So....what's written inside?"

Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't received the letter, how would I know??"

RECORD V

Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.

After a while, the patient below shouted to the one on top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"

The patient on top replied: "No. no...I can't...I'm not ripe yet"

RECORD VI

One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...How? I think I'm a chicken since the day I was born..."

Doctor: "Wah! That’s very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"

Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..."

RECORD VII

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.

The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."

Here’s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"

The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"

Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"